The dark side

 !!!

My creations with Magdalena

Recently, I came across the works of Magdalena through a friend.

I contacted Magdalena via LinkedIn and then sent a note to say I would love to have a virtual coffee catch-up.  A few days had passed, and I had not heard.  So I gave up.  Then, the moment I gave up, I surprisingly received a Calendly link, and wohoo, I met her.

The 20-Minute Writing Exercise That Neuroscientists Say Can Solve Your Hardest Problems

The reason I wanted to meet her was the whole funding-and-grants mindset for ECRs, and the limitations researchers face with a few thousand here or there.  In the industry, funding is not (or has not been an issue - they just want results.  So I thought connecting Magdalena with the university, but before that, I need to connect on a personal note.  

 

I got an appointment on a Sunday morning at 9am and was super excited too, as per her message.

Key takeaways from our conversation:

1. Human doings versus human beings
2. Consumption versus creation
3. Internal and external life of a researcher 
4. Connecting Magdalena with the University to have her as a guest in Comms Program 

What I learnt about myself in this meeting:
1. There is always going to be an internal chat/conversation in the head 
2. Being present and what is it that I truly want - this morning, all I wanted was just to sit and listen to the birds - being in the present moment.
3. Human doing is all about what's next, all the actions and tasks pending, remaining
4. Human beings are about emotions, feelings, joy, sadness, happiness, disappointments, excitement, and what energises us.

When I am in the human doing it is so tiring, so unmotivating, so meh that I just want to procrastinate, be a sloth, do nothing, the zest, joy, fun is missing.  We also talked about information obesity.  We can see the food and its effect on our bodies, but when it comes to information overload or overconsumption, that tires the mind!

I also read what I had written about six months from now – that gave me goosebumps and a kick in the bum to say, Jaishree, go do and complete the lab work!  It works, it works, it does not work, that's also ok , we’ll figure something out.  When in the human doing - to pause and ask myself 'How can I hijack the excitement that zest into whatever gets me excited into the taks I need to act upon?'

 “Information obesity" due to overloaded digital consumption :-) versus choosing or diverting the energy!

I ask where is my focus? How is this serving me? Is this an investment or entertainment? If entertainment - is this a dopamine hit or have I had enough protein serotonin?

So the key lesson for me was when I feel exhausted from wanting to do something - is it from the heart or the head?  The head is all about human doing - overthinking - the thoughts, whereas when it is from a place of joy - I am living my life tothe fullest :-)

 

Race between potato chips and doom scrolling - Serotonin and Dopamine hit

I was watching this interview by Dr K – Dr Alok Kanojia.

Dr. K: Exposing the Dopamine Crisis—“We’re Being Programmed” - YouTube

I also realise my so called personal life I am very content with.  I have published a book – yes, available at the library at CSU and also Wagga Library, Wagga Wagga City Library.  I meditate for 25 minutes a day, and when I have too many thoughts, I increase the meditation to 1 hour.  This not only calms my mind but it also helps me focus and be aware of my thoughts.  Through practice, I have been able to observe my thoughts without judgment and still get on with tasks that require discipline and motivation.

I am a big junkie on self and personal development, and I loved the interview with Dr K and how he beautifully crafted the serotonin and dopamine story. It finally makes sense to me!

Often I have reverted to community work or doing volunteering and did not realise it was serotonin until today! Serotonin is linked with peace, contentment and a sense of meaning and purpose.  I finally get it. Serotonin was giving me content while I was volunteering, running workshops, and my protein and food intake were good too! I also realise that when there isn't enough protein (low serotonin), it leads to snacking for a dopamine kick. I am not eating enough protein when I cook for myself or with the PhD journey. Guess what I munch on: salt-and-vinegar chips. Eat lots of masala Maggi noodles, to the point I wonder if I can control it or if this is just a phase?  I find myself  doom scrolling too for the dopamine hit! It all makes sense.

After listening to Dopamine Nation by Dr Anna Lembke, I can avoid snacks to an extent through self-binding or abstinence, but this understanding of the see-saw of serotonin and dopamine takes it to the next level. Though I want to eat chips, I now ask, " Did I get enough protein? Am I content? I get such a splurge of happiness when helping someone on the computer or Excel spreadsheet - there goes the dopamine - only short-lived!

So the key lesson from this for me is taking responsibility for eating well, enough protein to feel content, doing activities that give a sense of satisfaction and purpose, meaning, and contributing to science as a big picture through my PhD.  Thus, creating tolerance for life without the dependence on dopamine.

Have you ever had such deep insights that you would like to share?  When was the last time you read a book that moved you and started taking action?  Personally, transformation without action keeps me stuck in the loop of wanting those salt-and-vinegar chips.

Life is a STAGE!

Key quotes that I need to remind myself and imbibe in my day to day:

1.  What is it I believe it?  What is my belief system?  Because my beliefs dictate my action.  If I beleive anything can be achieved my actions will show that.  And as Marie Forleo says it, clarity comes from ACTION not thoughts.

Take one step at a time.

I have been finding it difficult to start my lab work, so I broke it down.  I asked what are the actions I need and all the things laid out clearly will get me into action mode.

Do I have the buffers and solutions?  Or do I need to make fresh ones?

Have I made the booking?

Did I check the standards I have?

How much stock do I need?

I ralised there were too many (cockroachs) running in too many different directions.  I need to target one cockroach at a time.  

With that I am publishing this!

I learnt valuable lessons in life this week, and happy to share them here. Read at leisure 

1. I ask and curious why did I have become upset or hurt?

2. ⁠is it because i gave them too much importance ? Id so why or what do they represent?

2. ⁠my energy grows where my focus/awareness goes 

2. ⁠is it true what they are saying? I would reflect. Is it worth having a conversation with them?

3. ⁠what lesson can I learn  about myself, about them or the situation?

4. ⁠could I give the benefit of the doubt to them?

5. ⁠how or where can I be mindful of my behaviour?

6. ⁠am I wasting my time in this that I am not doing more important tasks like PhD?

7. ⁠has this happened in the past and how did I get over it?

8. ⁠is it that time of the month

9. ⁠did I eat well, sleep well that the environment is affecting me?!?

Been a while

 It has been a while since I wrote a blog.  I am using this as a reflection to process and improve on my development.

 

I sat down to do data analysis and none of it is making sense, any sense.

 

I had a nice long brisk walk with my supervisor, and I made a pact ... that I will read 10 abstracts a day.  First thing in the morning and I shall monitor my progress.

First of all, I need to monitor how long does this take and then read and write.  I am thinking it will take me max 30 minutes.  Prior to that I need to have the ten articles ready.  So that would take me another 10 minutes - key words, data base - Scopus, Web of science, EBSCO, and Google Scholar - separate them into reviews and relevance.  All up max an hour.  may be ten minutes to write up a summary.  I know if I monitor this weekly, I will get somewhere - this would have covered 70 articles in seven days.  Yes, I don’t' plan to have any days OFF especially for readying.  

I also need to work out backwards fromt eh date of thesis submission to now.  

I want to accomplish one journal article by the end of this year and two next year.

I want to present at a conference.

Finish my experiments too.

I feel all energised and when I actually get to work, feels overwhelming and I SHRINK.  I need to apply all the tools and hacks of motivating myself - incluing actions builds motivations and that builds confidence and not in the opposite way of confidence to motivation to action.

 

Comma by Tara Brabazon and Discipline by Dr Sid Warrier

So I finished another audiobook ... Comma - How to restart, reclaim and reboot your PhD by Tara Brabazon.

I was cringing a bit as I was listening, it is not a pep talk book, there were some dark shades of the academic world.  Though I am new here, I wondered, do I want to dive in or was it just that the author did not have a good experience?  

The chapter that hit home and I really wanted to take key lessons and drilled well into me was taking responsibility for my PhD and the other one was on problem solving.  The six steps:

1. Write down the problem

2. Write down all the solutions, even the crazy ones

3. Think about the solution and how to action

4. Pick the most practical solution

5. Plan how are you going to enact the solution

6. Just do it!

And now I am listening to Dr Sid Warrier about discipline, etc.  

Link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42DcY3ce2ck&t=319s

Decision = Outcome divided by effort.  

Motivation hook

Time, person and will power - algorithm of discipline.

Reverse engineer:

1. Have a clear outcome - measurable outcome

2. clear rewards and punishments - train the emotional part of the brain

3. Create a system - use time, person (for accountability - power (authority)

4. taking care of your body - body and mind energised not fatigued!

Productivity and dopamine

REcently I finished Ali Abdaal's 'Feel Good Productivity'.  I did not want to finish the book.  I really enjoyed it - the science, the experiments and the little nudges.  My key take away came in Chapter 9 - identifyign actions that brings meaning and joy.  VAlues at daily choices.  What are the challenges, sucess for the short term.  Short term versus long term.  What effect do the actions have on my mood, my energy and my productivity.  The overall theme was productivity is more abotu joy than discipline.

So where do I want to be in one years time?  What are the three actions I can take per day.

This made me think of my non-negotiable - I can not be without meditation, food, sleep, some sort of exercise.  

I liekd the story of taking time to sharpen the knife during the break.

What does looking confident look liek or asking how would I handle this if I was an expert in this?

Overall, the whole thing is abotu pause, reflect, take actions with joy.  Even if it is 5, 10 percent rather than taking it as a drag.  The important thing is to be aligned.

I also watched Huberman's interview on diary of a ceo.  ALl things dopamine.  

I realise I have all the tools, gadgets, technology, knowlgede and it is about implementing that works for me.  what woudl work for me?  I ask a lot of questions, that keeps my brain active.

THere is no use feelign guilty.  A bit is ok like salt, too much makes the dish yuck, unedible.

I have had back muscle pain, it is funny it was severe on Friday and a bit on Saturday where I did not do anything or much ... was scared to do the stretches too.  I felt more alive, I reflected on my PhD too the pain was an abstract where as the pain int he body was for REAL.

It has been a while since I wrote here.  

Trusting in myself and keep going alogn int he journey is something.