Hmmm ... 

The electricity is out - in India we would say it as Current is cut!

I am waiting for my chai !

I am so excited about the journey to Argentina! and had a fabulous IDEA - bling BLING .... 

My next book ... What happenend to Dr Ji! 

So not much here and I will continue on a separate document ... been pondering do I hand write it or type it?

May be a bit of both.  I got the notebooks for that.  I am very notoroius to burn them off.  

So adios Amigos, readers .... there is a pause int eh blog and to do reach out +61477419271.

signing off

Jaishree 

 It's not the end of the world Ushuaia is!

It has been an interesting start to the day.  I am feeling good, excited and interested in what has been happening.

I will submit my final layout and alkso the plans for Argentina is shaping well.

25th I land ... 

If I am there in BA till the 29th there .... here are the things I will explore

1. Hop on Hop off bus
2. Theatre Colon
3. Gurudwara
4. ISKCON temple
5. Fly off to end of the world

In between if Dr G happens to catch up great else it will be an Indian pilgrimage in the South Americas!

I don't know why tears well up as I write this!

Why am I trying so hard?  Why?  I ask myself, is it loss of power, self-expression, or freedom?  I feel am too impatient!  Gee!  Focus Jai, focus!!!

I know I demand a lot, I want Dr G to answer me and answer NOW!  I don't know what is happening in his world and that frustrates me.  May be I will do my own thing.  This is the best way to breakthrough any expectations!

 The infinity of December

The eight of the month.  I had a great day yesterday ... reflecting, I also got that the start and end of a sentence are very important while writing.  And while having visitors, the charm and way you say things is also important rather than being very direct ... nto everyone ccan handle the directness.  Perhaps like a dance.

So if it is not a hard YES, there is a possibility of a yes and there is a potential of a YES.  Again if it is a HARD NO it is a NO and I think I have experiecned both in life.  The hard NO is much better and clearer and so is the hard YES.  I've made the hard NO or a soft NO into a Yes in my life .... just find another way to get a YES not to the same person.  Kind of like water .... when water persistently and patiently keepos goign over the hard rocks, even those rocks become smooth!

I had an idea ... who to give those three presents I bought!

Looks liek it is quite hot in Argentina!  Of course why not ... the Latin American Women are so sassy, they know how to carry themselves, their confidence when they walk, uff even in the most unsexy close they carry their sexiness.  And no wonder the Latino guys are always so 'charming' can sway anyone with their charms and moves ... yes dance moves,  I had oonly interacted with one Latino, Mr C ... from now on I will refer to himas Dr G!

Yup woke up aroun 1 this morning, and fell asleep and hten again at 5am.  Brushed my teeth and had a strand of hair in my toothbrish!  Uff who is thinking of me so much!  Wahe Guru! Wahe Guru!

I am lookign forward to exploring GuruDwara in Buenos Aires.  And then I was also looking for Ushuaia ... End of the World .... the flights seems so expensive.  what internal and mental work do I need to do to make this happen??  If I dont' go there it's still the end of the world.  Hmmmmm!

I have been learning to articulate my writing skills.  May be this blog is a dump of all materials and then when I edit, I can pick and choose what I want to say, what I want to display to my readers for my next book!

Will I meet Dr G's parents?  Will I get to see and spend time with Dr G.  Do I hand over the letters?  

What 

07 December 2022

Today i got to know and acknowledged I am a high achiever.  The question then arises what am I goign to do with this?  How am I going to leverage?  Who am I going to be?  A big head?  

yes, another day where I woke up at 3:30am.  Tossed on the bed and kept hearing the sensor click click click in the room.  I have so many things to complete.  i am surrounde3d by world class scientists and yes me included.  I woke up meditated, and went back to bed, woke up at 7:45am.  Did my Surya Namaskar listening to prayers, and then hula hoop, and hten rang my mother to discuss the next Chanakya story.  Then headed to the Level Up academic writing.  

Today's message was your starting and end is very important.  By giving all the information, you can come across as someone who is confused, someone with not much self-confidence.  Wow!

 06 December 2022

So why was I going to Argentina?  An impulse?  A possibility?  A compulsion? Love?  or just to prove myself or my love for C!

Gee!  I bought the tickets across the counter as if that was the only thing!  

Hey, I asked him, would he show me around, he appeared squeamish.  I was very disappointed, that the hospitality was not reciprocated, so I went on my own way, booked the tickets, including accommodation.

Now my sole purpose is to go to BA let him know I am there ... and if he still does not meet, go to Plan B - do anything it takes to give those letters and presents I got for him from India.  Is that desperation?  Perhaps!  Certainly!  I feel so furious, annoyed, angry, and agitated!  Yet remain calm to complete my task.  

All of this aside, I am looking forward to going to Gurudwara, perhaps check out the dancing scene there, and go to Theatre Colon, and would have loved to go to the End of the World - Ushuaia.  After all, Nothing is end of the world!  Perhaps the Argentinians should have called Ushuaia as 'Nothing'

I have been getting up early, doing one hour Vipassana meditation, then followed by Surya Namaskar, and then hula hoop.  So far very good.  

I quit a personal development program, where I am a coach - yes, even writing about this feels like a hesitation.  I got that I barely listen, I am all about dumping and overloading people with information, information, information.  I don't give them a chance to digest!  And you know what that is so TRUE!  I am always afraid that I will run out of time, so give all the information, so that the person listening can sift and sort and take what they need.  May be not the most efficient way to do things or be!  It's all rush rush, rather than the cool, calm, collective approach I have seen in people who are SUPER SMART!

My chai is ready!

I also realise I am such a SHOW OFF ... look at me look at me, I am so tidy, so organised, so good!  Hey, if we don't appreciate ourselves, no wonder we want others to do that and get into this coil of seeking validation, blah blah, and blah!

I also realised that I am TOO DOMINANT!  Don't really give the other persona a chance!  

I am such  show off that I help everyone else and not myself, leaving me with not meeting the deadlines, overdue, delayed stuff, etc. etc.

Was it 'get out of jail card for FREE' - just quitting and walking away?

I was also disappointed when I pulled out of a roadtrip.  I felt that impacted a friends whom I value for her straightforw3ardness, clarity, and intelligence.  May be or may be -  Time will tell.  MAy be my value and worth wioll be realised by others when I am not there.  May be may be not, it does not matter!  What matters is I keep goign for what I WANT!  So selfish, eh!

Why am I even writing all this in a blog?  Leave traces of my life?  Make this into my next book, own up the stuff I have been doing without shame, guilt, display my courage!?!?  A part of my mind says 'WHATEVER!'  

Argentina, I am COMING, I am going to visit the Gurudwara there in Buenos Aires, perhaps help in the kitchen, go check out the Latinos in Buenos Aires.  Yes Latin Lover is one of my favourite movies, I laugh so much, I love it!

I don't' like being told off, I take it way too personally!  Now it does not matter, learning to BRUSH it OFF!

This morning I woke up thinking, hmm my purpose to visit Argentina is to give the presents to C that is the sole and ultimate purpose and then I continue on.  I felt I dropped the expectation I had, hopes, dreams, fantasy!  May be this is the way for me to really find out if I've have overcome ATTACHMENT!

Some people don't like when what they plan do not go to plans .... and give up!  They get disappointed, I have been disappointed too.  What I am going to do about it?  Do it anyway .... 🤣🤣🤣

Yesterday, I presented the journey of an author - Splashes of Pink in My life.  

During the question session, I was asked why is this book dedicated to my nephew?  That was a great question, because my nephew asked that to me as well when I saw him in India!  HE asked me why not to my parents who have instilled great values in me and brought me up to be the person I am!

I am such a show off .... I want him to know about my life, stories from my life, and the upbringing, adventures I have had!  I did not spend much time with him when he was a baby, toddler, or even a child ... now he is growing to become a young adult and will navigate through life.  

I can not stand it when I ask a question and not responded to.  May be I do that myself.  I have so many emails to respond to both in my PhD and in my personal email.  So here I am getting into action!

Thank you to God, Almighty for everything, including myself!

Over and out for ChooseDay, sechs Dezember Zwei Tausand Twin-tea too!

Point of view

There are several things we may have done in life, some decisions we take on our own and some with the influence, and admit a lot of them based on fear.  

 3 December 2022

So here I am ... Dora the planner.  am looking forward to the holiday that is yet to happen!

I am creating the possibility of the infinite possibilities. 

Venezuala - Angel Falls - one thousand meters of uninterrupted water falls.

The first time I heard about uninterrupted fall is when a firnednd's grandpa was explaining htat our devotion to God/Divine should be like an uninterrupted continuous fall - constant devotion without any interruption!  I also realised when I interupt people as they speak, share, their flow is lost or exacerbates what is about to happen without any calm, composure, or completion. We or atleast I tend to go into a victim mentality, justification, etc, etc.

Things to see in Buenos Aires - Theatre Cologne, Flower Sculpture, Floralis Generica, Ushuaia.
Usuaia is the 'End of the World'  I loved it when C mentioned this.  
Often we have heard people say it's not the end of the world.  Well, me being me, I want to go there and next time people say \It's not the end of the world, I can say ... Usuaia is the end of the world ... according to the Argentinians'

Had an amazing feeling waking up this morning and causing so many possibilities.

I am super pumped after having expressed how I feel ... and  asked myself who am I being?  I realised I am being vulnerable!

Am super nervous about my journey during Christmas. I want to be immersed in the country C is in. Perhaps meet his parents and family too.  I have been sleepless and afraid to share thinking this is krazy. May be am sharing this for my own peace of mind. I did not want to "bother" him .... hey if I dont' I will never find out ... I will never find myself .... so it is all the very worthy of taking this risk.  SO I shouldn't apologise.  It's his choice whether he wants to come and see me or not.  And this is the way I can empower myself to LET GO!

I felt C was squeamish, when in fact it was me feelign squeamish.  What if he does not want to see me, what if he does not want to spend time with me, what if, what if.  What am I pretending, what I am not doing?  This doing business stopped me and I turned it around and asked ... who am I being?  

I can only take responsibility for my feeling and DROP it like picking up a pencil and DROPPING it!  I am sorry to make MYSELF feel uncomfortable ... yikes and I was projecting that on him!

I know am trying too hard, was I being authentic?  Anyway, not long.  I want to share this news with my parents ... and am super nervous too!  So here I go have a conversation with them.  

The conversation went very well.  I created the space in my head first then wanted to share the news and also requested them to aks any questions.  My dad kept asking why am I chasing when the answer was NO, C is not interested.  I said he did not say NO and did not use those words.  May be this is a closure for me a completion for me on being ok, explore a new place, a new town where I do not speak the language.

I spoke to my firend and she said "I do not understand the obsession with C"  As she said this I realised yes I am obsessed, I realised there are many areas of my life I am obsessed.  Overall I am obsessed ob myself - is this commitment to myself, to my growth, to my evolution.  I wondered is love rational?  May be we need both - rational and obsessed mind - is this what commitment is - is this the discipline through commitment?

I am committed to being an author, to being an explorer, being in love, finding love for myself and supporting people finding the love.  Is my love C?  I can say he surely has shown me a path and whatever it takes for him to believe in himself or someone else, I am OK.  Standing there I am creating possibility to be committed to myself, to my heart, standing strong and keeping my loved ones in the loop, in communication and in the process helping them find their inner love, joy, and peace.

 Good morning Jai!

I am the possibility of fun, love, and adventure!

what am I committed to?  Committed to vipassana meditation, yoga, listening to an audiobook, and journalling here first this in the morning.  I love this brightness in the room or is it me litting it up ... hahahaha ... if you get me you know my Punny jokes!

What ritual do you have?  I woke up this morning, very early ... and realized how abscessed I am about this guy in my life ... wanted to shake it off so badly!  Those who know know who I am talking about and have too much!  It was his birthday and I reconnected after few months.  This time I called.  

I tend to enjoy the day before my birthday, the day of the birthday and the first day after the birthday!

The day before I turned 40, I distributed milky way to all those who walked by my desk, the day I turned 40 I spent the day with my parents, I got a writing desk for my birthday that reminds me of my childhood days and what a GEEK and book worm I was!  The day after my birthday I went to work or perhaps it was a Sunday.  For my forty first birthday, I wanted to work, celebrate, be in different tows - I started with Tatura, then in Melbourne then to Warrnnambool.  I do like surprises and I get disappointed.  So I gave presents and gifts to people to friends who I've had a grudge with, also with the people I adore and I know have got my back and see theri reaction/response!  According to the Persian culture gifts are not to be opened in front of the giver. Later that year I discovered monks give gifts on their birthday!  Go figure, I don't' have to be a try hard Monk at all!

Today, I have my fortnightly meeting with my supervisor, I am nervous.  I got so scared that I procrastinated on doing my work, so I am going to have a shower, freshen up and create the possibility of what I've been up to, my challenges, and what's next.

On that note have an awesome day!

Super pleased to inform and announce and declare tot he world, got my initial layout for my book.

On that note, over, out and complete!

PS when I send a message of happy birthday, I rang (yes more than twice) I got annoyed at myself, I deleted all the messages and MOVING on!  Excited about creating a possibility of global launch - aiming for Easter holdiays!  The books will be ready and gives plenty of time for preparations!!