I have been approached by many friends and the common theme / fear has been of loneliness.
Jai, do you ever feel lonely? What if I don't meet a guy? What if I remain single?
I wanted to write a long blogpost about this and might expand more later. I might actually do systematic research on this.
These were my realisations and questions I ask:
1. What feeds my soul?
2. What brings me joy?
Without depending on the other person, what are the things I enjoy doing and that spark joy in me (as Marie Kondo) would say it.
I think I have also got used to and accept my situation where I am, hence I don’t' feel lonely anymore. I am happy and find the joy within myself, without relying on the outer world. Yes, I enjoy people's company too and I am also getting used to my own company and enjoying it.
I now see it as having a focus and workign towards something ... be it community work (volunteering, tree plantation, cooking workshops), photography, walking, nature, coffee shops, reading a book, discussing a book. More so, what I realise it having a structure in place is important - breakfast, lunch, dinner, and focusing on one task.
I have been enjoying listening to Nithilan Dhandapani and his interview with Navaneeth Krishnan about mind (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeXG3YKPnOE) and also listening to Laws of the Spirit World.
I also grew up where the words "I am bored" did not exist. My mom always had a task or something to do, I never objected to doing it but rather enjoyed it. So I wonder if boredom and loneliness are related.
Yes there were times I wondered, wat if I remined single. So what is what I think now. And according to a research (I need to look into this and quote) ... single women and married men are happier than single men and married women.
For my dear readers, do you feel lonely?
What actions can you take starting with the shift in mindset required to transcend loneliness. can you and are you willing to accept your situation and take full responsibility of your loneliness? If the answer is yes, then you have won half the battle, the rest is in the actions. I highly recommend 138 dates by Rebekkah Campbell.
If the answer is no, can you sit with the loneliness? Where do you feel this in your body? Which part of the body feels uneasy, and can you observe it like a TV without any judgements?
And topic that comes to mind is how did I take the leap?
When I think of it, many people struggle with quitting.
Steps I took before quitting - my well-paid job(s).
I did a bit of homework - very basic on the future, where would I be, physically go check that place. Financially was I ok, at least have some kind of savings to survive and live on the basic needs like food, shelter. If you have friends who don’t mind providing temporary accommodation take it. During this down time, have a routine. Having a routine is important, it gives a structure to the mind and framework as if we are working towards somethings. Discipline gives true freedom. Freedom is not about doing whatever we want whenever we want. IT can be disastrous and things like self-doubt, and all sorts of stuff creep in.
Even when my Thatha (grandfather) was retired, he had an immaculate routine. HE still wore ironed shirts (white/cream) and green pants, carried a bag with book that he was reading, and a list of things he was exploring.
So, holidays is not all about do whatever you want .... if we are disciplined even the holidays can turn out to be very useful for spiritual and personal growth!
With that I quit feeling lonely and will continue with my research :-)
Have an amazing day!
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