Good morning
It's Easter and I am here in Wagga .... working away on few things on my mind. Recently I came across an interview with MS Dhoni ... former Indian cricket captain and also known for being "Captain Cool". His philosophies are simple and yet can appear difficult.
Recently I have become his fan for his principles.
Lot of things are going through my mind - some of the key learnings and so much more.
I started a pros and cons list of being a PhD student or in fancy terms a research scientist .... I wrote one word the same word in both columns, I laughed and that was end of the list. The word was flexible.
Yes, as a research scientist there is flexibility how or when I work but what is freedom if there is no commitment or structure to it.
I started the day off well and then phased out because I did not complete what I set out to do. I realised I have too ambitious standards and fail to reach them; I need to fine tune. It took me almost an hour to do three slides, I realise the amount of work required and then I also realised how I was attached to the outcome and then end up giving up. Dhoni says focus on the process else the undue stress of the outcome can make one feel overwhelmed. It is a practise.
Confidence comes through action and so does overcoming imposter syndrome.
Knowing what to work on and working on it without guilt is a challenge of its own. When I am in my apartment I want to work with two screens at my desk and the mind goes off for a seesaw. So the way to tame this wild mind, I tell myself what progress have I made un the next hour will determine if I stay here or go to the lab?
My mind feels like a little kid - wants to be constantly entertained with dopamine hits after!
I either want to be entertained wanting to watch YouTube content - in the name and excuse of "education", learning, etc and get all excited about applications and when it come to the real application and the constant and consistent work, the mind has become like a monkey wanting to gather more information.
Another way to get this dopamine hit or effect is through eating - what can I cook? something hot, something delicious. Though I am not hungry at all after a heavy protein breakfast, I want to crunch on something eat something, be entertained through food.
Another way I get my dopamine effect or hit is through talking to someone - usually about personal development, mind games, how can I improve my life. Seems like I like talking about "how to improve" but when it actually comes to the crunch I want to create and do something new or something that is fun - audiobooks, discuss the book, discuss what to read next, listen to MS Dhoni, listen to other great minds, basically do anything BUT The work!
Though I love XL, I realise I only love helping people with it.
I have this wonderful unlimited (actually limited) opportunity that I can work with numbers and how the experiments have unfolded. I just don't seem to be interested. I want everything on a platter, nice and easy. I feel drained, disinterested and wonder if it is to do with the sugar levels in the body.
Oh mind, why do you wan tot be entertained so much, why can you not do what you are told to do and complete.
Though it is a public holiday, I see people working on research. Is it the true love of research or is it catch up time or is it I better do this out of fear!
I am looking forward to the movies tomorrow and also the Laksa lunch - both forms of entertainment.
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