Freedom of choice

 Freedom of choice

When we have so much freedom, do whatever we want or eat whatever we want, it comes with a consequence. There is a lot of freedom, yet the cost is choice.  Depending on what I choose and how I shape it, it can cost my future. I chose no sugar for a few days and from time to time I have sugar in my chai.  I realised the tiredness that I was feeling is more from low iron and since I restarted the iron supplements, it got only better. I also realised I need to hang out with people for my own mental health.  Isolation that people felt during covid, I was and am experience in my PhD.  Yes, I have a choice how I show up, do my work, at times, I am so lost I lose my own awareness, the emotions and moods take over and then when I realise and start the work, it feels way too overwhelming and yet I have to remind myself to keep persistent, and do the best I can.  Recently I learnt there are two types of procrastination – the usual one and a problematic one.  IT is problematic when it affects others areas of normal day to day life.  I’ve wondered not meeting the deadline has consequences that I am not ready to face, so I end up doing the task – more so out of fear.  There are times I like to do things out of love but if I don’t sustain it, it loses its charm the important but not urgent task slides into urgent and important.  I need to complete some admin work and finding other things more interesting.  Definitely the entertainment industry is very entertaining but it doesn't complete the admin work for you which appears boring and mundane.  Perhaps through this journaling it helps me sort my thoughts and emotions in a structured manner.

To this by ChatGPT

Freedom of Choice

Having so much freedom — to do whatever we want, eat whatever we like — comes with its own consequences.  Freedom isn’t free; its cost is the weight of choice. What I choose today can shape or limit my future.  For example, I chose to cut out sugar for a few days. Occasionally, I still have some in my chai. I noticed that the tiredness I’d been feeling wasn’t due to sugar withdrawal — it was more about low iron. Once I restarted my supplements, my energy began to return.  Another realization: I need human connection for my mental well-being. The isolation many experienced during COVID is something I’ve continued to feel throughout my PhD. It reminds me that while I have the freedom to show up or withdraw, my mental state is impacted by that choice. Sometimes, I feel so disconnected — I lose touch with myself. My emotions and moods take over, and when I finally start working, the task feels overwhelming. Still, I remind myself to stay persistent and to do the best I can.  Recently, I learned that there are two types of procrastination: the usual kind and a more problematic one — the kind that begins to affect daily functioning. I’ve started to see how my own procrastination stems from avoiding the consequences of missed deadlines. Fear often pushes me to complete tasks at the last minute. I want to act from love and inspiration, but when I don’t sustain that energy, the task slips from “important but not urgent” into a stressful, urgent crisis.  Right now, I have some admin work to finish, but I keep getting distracted by more stimulating things. The entertainment industry truly is entertaining — but it won’t file my paperwork for me. Admin tasks feel mundane, but they still matter.

Maybe this journaling helps me. It gives me a place to untangle my thoughts and emotions, and structure them. In doing so, I begin to see myself more clearly — one small step at a time.