Highs and lows of dopamine hit ...

THis is so interesting.  I went for a competition last minute.  I just did it.  It gave me such a high, I feel so alive!  I can feel the dopamine rush, the happy hormones and what not!

I am glad I did it.  I am also glad I did not win it.  

I realised so much abotu myself, why scripts do not work for me, the kind of thinker and speaker I am!  My thoughts run at 1009 miles per second and since I don't want ot miss anythign, I sepak fast and my thinking only gets faster.

I realised my writing blocks and what has helped me is asking questions and answering the questions to the best I can and if I dont' know I go look them up.

Online community work

 After many days of isolation into PhD work, I realised I rejuvenate and recharge by connecting with people.  THere is no use doigin my PhD when in stress.  My amygdala is on high alert rather than the prefrontal cortex and its creativity.  No good comes out when I am stressed, otehr than body freezing and the mind racing 1999 miles a second.  And this freeze (of the body) and flight (of the mind) is of no use or purpose.  

One of the things that energises me and feeds my sould is community work.  Having done rubbish collection, tree plantation, cooking in community house, an idea pling linged and I thought how abotu some online community work.  The idea ,..... I created an even in Event brite -  https://www.eventbrite.com.au/x/how-do-i-cook-authentic-indian-tickets-1376941953449.  The idea is to turn up even if it is for one or more people and I interact with the people.  THis is a free event and my way to contribute to the community.  I think I will do this on a regular basis - one hour, where people from anywhere can come and ask me recipes or discuss what to do with the ingredients they have.  Yes, this is also my speciality!

It is 6:54pm and there is noone in the event.  It was too much of a short notice.

The next event is on 29th June - link here - https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/jai-creations-authentic-food-creations-with-jai-tickets-1378432461599?aff=oddtdtcreator

ChatGPT and palmistry

This one has given me good belly laughs!

I asked chatGPT to analyse my palm and boy I was so surprised, pleasantly.  It is interesting and I shall paste them here later, for you too to join me in a good belly laughter.

For now, I will focus on my writing.

Cheerio until then!

Freedom of choice

 Freedom of choice

When we have so much freedom, do whatever we want or eat whatever we want, it comes with a consequence. There is a lot of freedom, yet the cost is choice.  Depending on what I choose and how I shape it, it can cost my future. I chose no sugar for a few days and from time to time I have sugar in my chai.  I realised the tiredness that I was feeling is more from low iron and since I restarted the iron supplements, it got only better. I also realised I need to hang out with people for my own mental health.  Isolation that people felt during covid, I was and am experience in my PhD.  Yes, I have a choice how I show up, do my work, at times, I am so lost I lose my own awareness, the emotions and moods take over and then when I realise and start the work, it feels way too overwhelming and yet I have to remind myself to keep persistent, and do the best I can.  Recently I learnt there are two types of procrastination – the usual one and a problematic one.  IT is problematic when it affects others areas of normal day to day life.  I’ve wondered not meeting the deadline has consequences that I am not ready to face, so I end up doing the task – more so out of fear.  There are times I like to do things out of love but if I don’t sustain it, it loses its charm the important but not urgent task slides into urgent and important.  I need to complete some admin work and finding other things more interesting.  Definitely the entertainment industry is very entertaining but it doesn't complete the admin work for you which appears boring and mundane.  Perhaps through this journaling it helps me sort my thoughts and emotions in a structured manner.

To this by ChatGPT

Freedom of Choice

Having so much freedom — to do whatever we want, eat whatever we like — comes with its own consequences.  Freedom isn’t free; its cost is the weight of choice. What I choose today can shape or limit my future.  For example, I chose to cut out sugar for a few days. Occasionally, I still have some in my chai. I noticed that the tiredness I’d been feeling wasn’t due to sugar withdrawal — it was more about low iron. Once I restarted my supplements, my energy began to return.  Another realization: I need human connection for my mental well-being. The isolation many experienced during COVID is something I’ve continued to feel throughout my PhD. It reminds me that while I have the freedom to show up or withdraw, my mental state is impacted by that choice. Sometimes, I feel so disconnected — I lose touch with myself. My emotions and moods take over, and when I finally start working, the task feels overwhelming. Still, I remind myself to stay persistent and to do the best I can.  Recently, I learned that there are two types of procrastination: the usual kind and a more problematic one — the kind that begins to affect daily functioning. I’ve started to see how my own procrastination stems from avoiding the consequences of missed deadlines. Fear often pushes me to complete tasks at the last minute. I want to act from love and inspiration, but when I don’t sustain that energy, the task slips from “important but not urgent” into a stressful, urgent crisis.  Right now, I have some admin work to finish, but I keep getting distracted by more stimulating things. The entertainment industry truly is entertaining — but it won’t file my paperwork for me. Admin tasks feel mundane, but they still matter.

Maybe this journaling helps me. It gives me a place to untangle my thoughts and emotions, and structure them. In doing so, I begin to see myself more clearly — one small step at a time.

Imposter Syndrome and THe Imposter Solution

It is interesting and has been very intersting.

I was listenign to Imposter Solution by Cassandra Dunn.  She exxplains what is Imposter Syndrome and that it was coined in 1978.  It is a term that a lot of people feel.  There are many layers to the syndrome.  Not caused just from "not feelign good enough", there are several aspects to it.  Chapter 2 talks about what and how the syndrome is caused.  It all boils down to self-doubt and questioning our abilities.

I asked myself when is it or where is it I dont' feel this?

For me it is in cooking, in my life and the inner works of the mind.

I dont' feel like an imposter when presenting, or talking to strangers, or when it comes to tidyign up my place, or be it organising my day, planning travels.

Why?  I looked at why I dont' feel insecure in these areas.  The answer was simple.  I love these adventures, it gives a sense of purpose, joy, excitement.  I dont' doubt my cooking, cleaning, or speaking abilities.  They are and have become natural coz I have practised it so many timmes that it has become second nature.  

It seemed so clear and when I sat down to write it it is less than a page.  That's ok too.

Books in my virtual audio library

I love reading books, especially the personal development ones.  Is that an escape into creating my perfect life or is it a spiritual and human being development that I thrive and get such a buzz from!

There are always many books on the go.  Ideally, I would love to take a book, complete it finish it, write down key things I learnt and move to the next one.  I somehow seem to weave them like a patch work blanket.

Sometimes the Gita and sometimes the works of Swami Vivekananda.  And then there are people like Dr John Dimartini.  A friend sent me this link and I started taking notes - The 13-Step Manifestation Formula Behind The Law of Attraction - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgDnba9RPpk

And then I was talking to a friend about what books have they been reading?  

These two to be added, in addition to others

1. Richard Feyman's Six Easy Pieces

2. Old man and the sea by Ernest Hemingway

3. The Values Factor by Dr John Demartini

4. Wealth money can't buy by Robin Sharma

5. The Imposter Solution by Cassandra Dunn

6. The Seat of the soul by Gary Zukav

It may appear and look like I have a lot of time.  YEs and no.  I make time for those that are utmost important to me that feed my soul and both intellectual and spiritual development.

Pros and Cons of being a research scientist

Good morning 

It's Easter and I am here in Wagga .... working away on few things on my mind.  Recently I came across an interview with MS Dhoni ... former Indian cricket captain and also known for being "Captain Cool".  His philosophies are simple and yet can appear difficult.

Recently I have become his fan for his principles.

Lot of things are going through my mind - some of the key learnings and so much more.

I started a pros and cons list of being a PhD student or in fancy terms a research scientist .... I wrote one word the same word in both columns, I laughed and that was end of the list.  The word was flexible.

Yes, as a research scientist there is flexibility how or when I work but what is freedom if there is no commitment or structure to it.

I started the day off well and then phased out because I did not complete what I set out to do.  I realised I have too ambitious standards and fail to reach them; I need to fine tune.  It took me almost an hour to do three slides, I realise the amount of work required and then I also realised how I was attached to the outcome and then end up giving up.  Dhoni says focus on the process else the undue stress of the outcome can make one feel overwhelmed.  It is a practise.  

Confidence comes through action and so does overcoming imposter syndrome.

Knowing what to work on and working on it without guilt is a challenge of its own.  When I am in my apartment I want to work with two screens at my desk and the mind goes off for a seesaw.  So the way to tame this wild mind, I tell myself what progress have I made un the next hour will determine if I stay here or go to the lab?

My mind feels like a little kid - wants to be constantly entertained with dopamine hits after!

I either want to be entertained wanting to watch YouTube content - in the name and excuse of "education", learning, etc and get all excited about applications and when it come to the real application and the constant and consistent work, the mind has become like a monkey wanting to gather more information.

Another way to get this dopamine hit or effect is through eating - what can I cook?  something hot, something delicious.  Though I am not hungry at all after a heavy protein breakfast, I want to crunch on something eat something, be entertained through food.

Another way I get my dopamine effect or hit is through talking to someone - usually about personal development, mind games, how can I improve my life.  Seems like I like talking about "how to improve" but when it actually comes to the crunch I want to create and do something new or something that is fun - audiobooks, discuss the book, discuss what to read next, listen to MS Dhoni, listen to other great minds, basically do anything BUT The work!

Though I love XL, I realise I only love helping people with it.

I have this wonderful unlimited (actually limited) opportunity that I can work with numbers and how the experiments have unfolded.  I just don't seem to be interested.  I want everything on a platter, nice and easy.  I feel drained, disinterested and wonder if it is to do with the sugar levels in the body.

Oh mind, why do you wan tot be entertained so much, why can you not do what you are told to do and complete.  

Though it is a public holiday, I see people working on research.  Is it the true love of research or is it catch up time or is it I better do this out of fear!

I am looking forward to the movies tomorrow and also the Laksa lunch - both forms of entertainment.