THis one question I read it couple of days ago but I did not have a straight answer.
I started pondering, wondering. All sorts of thoughts flooded. There is no point in going back int he past. I got to start somewhere. Am sure something must have worked int eh past.
On a scribbled paper, I noted the times I had felt good, felt achieved ... goig to Switzerland, first published book, the radio interview, the book launch, the science comedy, the travels.
THen I reflected and thought what has really motivated me in the past, and I uncovered most of the time it was based on fear. I better do this, I don’t' want to be in trouble. I better complete this coz I I would do it. It more on a survival mechanism.
Then I was like "Hmmm, these are not helpful thoughts at all".
I asked myself why am I doing a PhD ... what is the motivation here? No not the fame, name.
I realised I was on "fear mode wanting to accomplish and finish few tasks.
Then I really concluded, damn a lot of is and was fear based.
I shared these thoughts with my friend and asked her what were her motivations?
As we were discussing, even she found it difficult to answer. I admitted I have been finding it difficult too.
Then I realised there was a time, I knew nothing .... and I was open to learning. I did not have any qualms about not knowing anything about a topic, no imposter syndrome. This unknown drove me to wanting to know and learn everything. A beginners mind. It reminded me of a time when I worked in the food industry and was given a plastic cup to see if that worked in the Food Hall. An achievement was a) I had no expectation, so I kept working on what that meant and brought 16 people together in a room.
I am definitely motivated when I have to teach, I bring people together and weave them like a magic carpet. The stage motivates me ... the whole performance and the unknown of how it will be received, I use the nerves as excitement. Sometimes I do not prepare or practise so that that gives me an edge of I don't know what am I going tot say and I find that exciting. People don't know and I don’t know and I milk and leverage the nervousness as excitement.
What else motivates me? Travelling for sure. Planning an event. Cooking for people motivates me.
Self-improvement, continuous improvement surely motivates me. I get such a kick out of "oh look what have I learnt?"
Not knowing anything, the uncertainty, cooking, bringing people together, the facilitation, connecting people and unfolding the magic, the gratitude all these things excite and motivate me.
Now the next question ... how can I apply that for my PhD?
When I get an imposter syndrome, rather than making that a statement, I need to frame it as a question ... what and how can I learn this process to make it better?
Knowing a little got me into the imposter syndrome and I need to frame and tweek and reframe to question, for example, if I feel I dont' know htis oh my god panic panic. Say this to myself calmly and be compassionate by asking, 'what action or step I need to take to improve form where I am?'
From Blinkist from Feel Good Productivity .... by Ali Abdal "More often than not, you'll find the underlying cause is one of three things, confusion, fear, or inertia. Fortunately though, you can easily counter each with their opposite, confusion with clarity, fear with courage, and inertia with action. Let's take a closer look at these three pairings. Now it seems a no-brainer that confusion causes procrastination, but it's very rare to recognize it's simply a lack of clarity rather than a lack of motivation, for example, that's keeping you stuck. Simply taking a minute or two to run through the why, what, the how, the when, and where of the task or projects in front of you can ultimately save you hours. Perhaps less overt is when the underlying cause of your procrastination is fear."