06 December 2022

So why was I going to Argentina?  An impulse?  A possibility?  A compulsion? Love?  or just to prove myself or my love for C!

Gee!  I bought the tickets across the counter as if that was the only thing!  

Hey, I asked him, would he show me around, he appeared squeamish.  I was very disappointed, that the hospitality was not reciprocated, so I went on my own way, booked the tickets, including accommodation.

Now my sole purpose is to go to BA let him know I am there ... and if he still does not meet, go to Plan B - do anything it takes to give those letters and presents I got for him from India.  Is that desperation?  Perhaps!  Certainly!  I feel so furious, annoyed, angry, and agitated!  Yet remain calm to complete my task.  

All of this aside, I am looking forward to going to Gurudwara, perhaps check out the dancing scene there, and go to Theatre Colon, and would have loved to go to the End of the World - Ushuaia.  After all, Nothing is end of the world!  Perhaps the Argentinians should have called Ushuaia as 'Nothing'

I have been getting up early, doing one hour Vipassana meditation, then followed by Surya Namaskar, and then hula hoop.  So far very good.  

I quit a personal development program, where I am a coach - yes, even writing about this feels like a hesitation.  I got that I barely listen, I am all about dumping and overloading people with information, information, information.  I don't give them a chance to digest!  And you know what that is so TRUE!  I am always afraid that I will run out of time, so give all the information, so that the person listening can sift and sort and take what they need.  May be not the most efficient way to do things or be!  It's all rush rush, rather than the cool, calm, collective approach I have seen in people who are SUPER SMART!

My chai is ready!

I also realise I am such a SHOW OFF ... look at me look at me, I am so tidy, so organised, so good!  Hey, if we don't appreciate ourselves, no wonder we want others to do that and get into this coil of seeking validation, blah blah, and blah!

I also realised that I am TOO DOMINANT!  Don't really give the other persona a chance!  

I am such  show off that I help everyone else and not myself, leaving me with not meeting the deadlines, overdue, delayed stuff, etc. etc.

Was it 'get out of jail card for FREE' - just quitting and walking away?

I was also disappointed when I pulled out of a roadtrip.  I felt that impacted a friends whom I value for her straightforw3ardness, clarity, and intelligence.  May be or may be -  Time will tell.  MAy be my value and worth wioll be realised by others when I am not there.  May be may be not, it does not matter!  What matters is I keep goign for what I WANT!  So selfish, eh!

Why am I even writing all this in a blog?  Leave traces of my life?  Make this into my next book, own up the stuff I have been doing without shame, guilt, display my courage!?!?  A part of my mind says 'WHATEVER!'  

Argentina, I am COMING, I am going to visit the Gurudwara there in Buenos Aires, perhaps help in the kitchen, go check out the Latinos in Buenos Aires.  Yes Latin Lover is one of my favourite movies, I laugh so much, I love it!

I don't' like being told off, I take it way too personally!  Now it does not matter, learning to BRUSH it OFF!

This morning I woke up thinking, hmm my purpose to visit Argentina is to give the presents to C that is the sole and ultimate purpose and then I continue on.  I felt I dropped the expectation I had, hopes, dreams, fantasy!  May be this is the way for me to really find out if I've have overcome ATTACHMENT!

Some people don't like when what they plan do not go to plans .... and give up!  They get disappointed, I have been disappointed too.  What I am going to do about it?  Do it anyway .... 🤣🤣🤣

Yesterday, I presented the journey of an author - Splashes of Pink in My life.  

During the question session, I was asked why is this book dedicated to my nephew?  That was a great question, because my nephew asked that to me as well when I saw him in India!  HE asked me why not to my parents who have instilled great values in me and brought me up to be the person I am!

I am such a show off .... I want him to know about my life, stories from my life, and the upbringing, adventures I have had!  I did not spend much time with him when he was a baby, toddler, or even a child ... now he is growing to become a young adult and will navigate through life.  

I can not stand it when I ask a question and not responded to.  May be I do that myself.  I have so many emails to respond to both in my PhD and in my personal email.  So here I am getting into action!

Thank you to God, Almighty for everything, including myself!

Over and out for ChooseDay, sechs Dezember Zwei Tausand Twin-tea too!