Regret

 Have you ever regretted?

I regret for regretting the lost time.  There is no use in regretting it, yet, it keeps scratching my brain about regret.

If I was to be on my dying bed, I would regret for not having worked harder.  I would have regretted for not having put in all the hours of research, have a structured approach to life and fun.  As weird as it sounds, I would regret for not having enjoyed life as much.  

I am asking myself, why am I regretting over lost time?  What sensation am I feeling and where?

Today, I had a good catch up with friends and I learnt that I complain, complain a lot and compare a lot with my ideal 'industrial' days.  I realise I had such a luxurious and posh life or am I finding it was all great on the hind sight?

 I need to refine my achievement for the day, I realise I stretch myself too much and not feel happy for not completing it and not doing it.  

Which works better?  Positive reinforcement is on reward system - having a chocolate cake for completing the literature review.  Negative reinforcement is on doing things out of fear.

Apparently the negative is not good int eh long term as it can affect your memory.

At times, I feel I aim too high.  SO today, I am gogin to be realistic with the buffer times.

A oen hour walk is actually 15 minutes of prep and 5 minutes to wind down and remainign walk.  Though I walk for say 3km, it is actually the prepping, walking, and wind dwon.

YEs, it takees me two hours to wind down and sleep fromt eh moment I enter the room.

A side note, it was refreshing to hear my place is peaceful, is it because I meditate here, or have I become numb to my surreoundings, or was it something new for the other person?

Total minutes in a day = 24 x 60 = 1440 minutes

Even if I was to do the above I have 2 hours of FREE time each day.

I ask myself what would I really like to gain out of my PhD?

1. BEing grateful for the day
2. Being happy and at peace 
3. Lay foundation for a good life - health, wealth, intellect
4. Build on a healthy lifestyle
5. Enjoying the process, especially the research process
6. Have a process that delivers outcomes
7. Learn to manage funds and money
8. Throw myself into my work and enjoy the process
9. Not feel oh I am missing out on this or that, just do it!

At times I feel like a stretched rubber band that has been let go ... don't know where will I land yet the momentum, the exhilaration feels like fun!