Scrolling through ....

 Planning, procrastinating and postponing seem the theme.

I plan, I get excited and then when it comes to the crux of the performance, I want to back out ... take the back door.

I am more accepting of how I am feelign these days - the good, the not so good and all that in between.  Just being wiht the emotions, feelings, mood, without any judgements.

As I sit in meditation, the first few moments are or feels like … “Ahhh bliss and then it takes me somewhere so deep or is that sleep.  And then I wait for the gong ... yes I have been practising the Vipassana meditation and dedicating all the virtues to Masters, teachers, all sentient beings.  I want nothing, I am doing nothing, and I am nothing .... and then towards the end I say Lokha samastha sukhino bhavanthu ... may there be peace and happiness in all beings!

Today I felt I had PLENTY of time and now it is almost 1pm.  I realised it felt like a waste.  Sometimes it is good to experience waste.  I asked where and why did I lose my time.  Even though time is a concept, a mere concept, it felt like I lost a lot today.  I was almost ready by 9 am to go to the lab, then after some journaling and meditation, it was 11:30am and then ate bread butter jam and then more doom scrolling.  And then hmmmm here I am!

My timer on the smart watch is dinging.  I don’t' feel like going to he lab, I am merely finding things I can out of joy.  Where did I lose my sense of joy.  

And then I collected some articles I got to read while doing lab work and heading out.  I had the chai that I put in the flask, it was too milky and I think the fennel seeds that I had in the mortar and pistol gave a "base" like taste.  

I have this book beside the laptop that says "Making Life Meaningful Day by Day". Well, am I?  I am chipping slowly in the world of lactoferrin, despite the disinterest, I am doign my best to stay interested to complete the lab experiments, and stay in "joy" ... today I feel only 20 percent ... let's see how the day unfolds.

The hidden potential is surely interesting.  

Ten minutes gone and another 6 remaining out of the second lot of the timer.  as I lift my head I read "No one can give your goals.  No one can dig for you.  This is your journey" by Warren Philip Gates.  What have I done with so called my life, with my PhD, with so called mind.  I like the birds chirping away in the background, I like the scorching heat today.  

There is some kind of peace in this quietness and sounds int eh background, no phone calls, no nothing.  May be this is the way universe is showing and clearing my path to my destination.

Take it easy Jai a part of me tells myself.  BE in the moment, smile, be grateful, uplift yourself, instead of scrolling through the social media, scroll through papers of literature ... hahahah!!!