I am getting very impatient with myself. I am not seeing anything - no light and I am not sure which part of the tunnel I am in! completely lost. I am sick and tired of feeling this way. I am impatient with myself on my progress, I am impatient with the people around me. eels liek a ground hog day - day in and day out ... same thing everyday, look at the script I have written so far and freak out and go read the same paper, yes the understanding in better but it's all jus tin the head!
So much so that I know this feeling I am ignoring it.
Yesterday I started the Saturday 6pm to 6am fasting. I do not feel so fat!
I also got Jay Shetty's Book - 8 Rules of Love!
So here I am turning up everyday including on the weekends to the office at Uni.
It's not the environment affecting me, no body calls me either, there is no external disturbances and yet I am finding it excruciatingly frustrated with my progress, i.e. not much at all. Yesterday, I did some online stuff and sent the certificates via email.
Today, I cam and felt very sleepy so meditated where my mind surely calmed and then I went off to the city for shopping and eating pizza!
I managed to delete all my unwanted emails from another gmail account and now here I am on the blog!
I watched a YouTube on Accountability and laughed at myself for nodding and wondering how do I fit myself in - as if fitting into a size 6 dress when in fact I feel like a pumpkin!
I don't feel accomplished and to the least I feel annoyed.
I dont' knwo how will I get through this and so leave it to your imagination!
As I reflected adn deeply reflected, so deep that I was able to let go ... I realised the thing that was getting int he way for me to perform or the limiting belief I had was "It's not really important!"
Is this a way for the mind to mask? Seems like things that are super important, I tend to pay minimal attention, or is that so? I freak out with the expectation and the fear of not meeting it so much so that I dot' even start, I FREEZE! I freak out.
Why is it important I work on Lactoferrin? why is it important that I complete my PhD? Why is is important? Why why why if at all why?
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