Thursday, 02 March 2023    

It has been a while.  Though I conclude PhD is not a sprint, it is a marathon, it is slow, it is even slower for me to enjoy the process.  Unlike the industry where things happen at a rapid pace.  I realise and starting to reminisce that buzz, that speed.  I ask myself what are the things I have been enjoying?  

Academic and intellectual thinking is about slow, cognitive, hmm ahha haa, ok process.

Today in the PD session about abstract we got this.

The link for abstract is https://www.writingcenter.com/2014/08/31/abstract-summary-or-introduction-how-to-write-an-abstract/

I will continue my journey here.  I went for a walk with one of the students ... and I was telling her about meeting the monk.  I got the gist that I had lost my zest .... zest that quench that thirst for curiosity.  I realised I am being so harsh on myself.  

Month of February was awesome where every single day, I was meditating, walking, keeping a good tab on my mental and physical health!  It seems like it has slipped away - hey it is only 2 days into March, I tell myself.  

There is this whole thing of guilt trap then doing things out o guilt I better do this and that and then nothing gets done!  Uff .... I also had the realization it is about choice, what state of mind do I choose, what attitude do I choose.  Similar to other virtues Forgiveness is not a one off thing it si a constant practice.  I constantly remind myself - Jai, what or how can you enjoy this moment!  It is not doing the Literature Review, I will not know everything, yet I need to reach there!

Good news ... the layout and proofing sheet done and sent.  Yet there is part of me eating myself going, you should have done that ages ago!  Will I ever stop Guilty Gutter that goes on a rant?  If my mind is in the gutter ... it is on a guilty rant, you should be doing this you should be deign that, you haven't done this, you haven't done that ... nahahahnanananannanananaaaaa!

What do I want?  How do I make today better?  How can I be enthusiastic about today?  What is my purpose?

It has been six months since I started.  I have to be mindful of my chatter ... guilty Gutter or a go-getter!

I submitted my timesheets for the casual job here at uni.  One of them will lead me to what I want post my PhD and the other one will polish my chemistry!  Chemistry that I had not done - Year 12!  

I can not expect the otuside world to entertain me, only I can have it in control be it happy, sad, mad, grumpy!

How do I make this journey simpel, easy and fun for myself!