Marching on ... the twelfth

 So here I am in one of my favourite places.

Today's intention is to be in joy, happy and out of the guilty gutty and finish the go-getter!

I had a thing ... as I was reading Jay Shetty's 8 rules of love, I thought, what would I do today .... my intention was to only do ONE Thing.  Go tot the library be surrounded by amazing books, soak in the energy and atmosphere of geeking around famous authors, people right from Shakespeare through to all sorts of books.

As I walked in I was greeted by the lovely Librarian and she has the sweetest smile!  Sweeter than the cup cakes, sweeter than all candies put together.  I complimented on her smile and I could see the smile was form her heart!  It is a bit scary to compliment and especially it is the MARDI GRAS week!  

I asked her to get me books on responsibilities.  She got me 'Am I doing this right' by Taya Hennessy ... Life Lessons.  I resonated very well with it.  

So as I finish the final layout for my own book, this will be a treat.  Each day I could read one alphabet, so that will be 26 days!

I have so many ideas for my book and things I need to set up it is not funny!  then I ask what about PhD?

I need to find joy within myself and PhD will happen.  IT is not about this or that ... it is BOTH!

So I asked responsibility!  The librarian said it so well, we are not taught at school.  How to take responsibility or responsibilities?  

Am I so scared of responsibilities that I did not want any responsibilities?  How do I take responsibilities?  I realised my brain fires up and loves these questions.  So when ever I go into a negative guilty gutter, especially of the past things which I CAN NOT change ... I need to ask myself how can I take responsibilities?  The whole responsibility makes me feel so suffocated.  Earning more money means more responsibilities, means yuck, means no freedom, freedom means no responsibilities.  Is that so?

So what am I responsible for?  I don't have kids, so that's not a worry, I don't have a husband, I am neither responsible for anyone or anything!  Its so freeing and at times saddening!  Where I focus energy grows, so I will DROP The saddening part, it is no fun, it is going int he opposite direction and the only responsibility or choice I will take is what is it that I can DO?  What is my choice with my current awareness?

 

I am sitting in the library, surrounded by amazing books, the energy that they carry, perhaps the emotions too that I am able to keep them at bay and work away.  There is a lake/pond, the area is bright I see lot of trees, and I would classify this as a writers paradise.  There is also a museum nearby - something about respect.  Something something.  Anyway, I cleaned my room and here I am.  The aim, intention, and goal is to finalise the layout.  All I need is pen and paper - all printed.

I got appletiser that I originally bought for my parents.  And I started drinking it as I was watching some soppy stuff and movie.  I watched it on fast forward mode and then watched it again ... I am such a hard core romantic soppy chick!

I have dreamt of meeting my man during my book launch and him reading my foreword.  A sparkle twinkle in his eye that only communicates volumes of the moments we spent together ... the laughter, the way he make me laugh, and want to cook so many things for him!  Hmmmm ... anyway ... after much distraction I am now feeling very sleepy.  I have been listening to awareness YouTube videos by Dandapani and then there is this new dude  ... Mahatria!

I am getting such goosebumps!

 

I some how got to know I had two avid of this blog.  And something felt good within me.  And at times I wonder am I being too open, to raw with what is happening in my life.  What’s the point of all this?  Why would anyone care what is happening in my life ... or is this the rant that is not helping me?  I at times feel I have had a too much of a simple life.  When I am energised I am interested in what is happening in the world around me.  Though I do not listen to the radio, read newspaper, watch TV, what is this life all about?  One thing repeatedly comes to mind.  Jai I am doing this for you and you alone.  As long as I like myself anyone else is a bonus, a cherry on the top.  Have no expectations, desires or wants of happiness from outside.  Be it peace, happiness, satisfaction.  yes people are attractive, simple, have their own things happening in their heads, be it struggle, happiness, or what ever channel they want to tune into!  Sometimes I just want to take a break from it all ... break from the over thinking, break from talking.  All I want to do is go and help people.  Reminds me of the time when I was in New Zealand.  I feel like saying I am not interested in anything and don't want anything to be interested in me.  I want to get things done and keep moving in life.  Bland like water yet thirst quenching.