Gratitude Reflection Routine & Recharge - Grrrr

 I had the most incredible heartflet and indepth converasation with my frineds on gratitude, routine and just the mere fact of connecting the two of them for the first time recharged me like a thousand watt bulb!

We all shared about gratitude.

And What I found was if I do a gratitude for the sake of gratitude, it just doesn't work.  It did nto feel it was from teh heart.

Asense of awe or inspiration lead to gratidtude effortlessly else there was this nagging voice in my head saying" so what the big deal" as if it was a check to ensure I wasn't wasting my time.

My friends shared how they practise this.

Five things they are grateful for before the feet touches he ground and another shared aboutThree things they like (heart emoji), things they need to let go Things I let go, and wish for the day with a sunshine.

Reflecting on research

 Saturday, 18 January

As I was working in the lab, I had asked another research scientist how do they stay focused.

I realise I stay focused on tasks that are spontaneous, things that I enjoy thoroughly - example cooking.  I take it as a challenge and enjoy by ensuring I am better at it than my previous attempts. Then why is research any different?

When I make a plan, be it a meal plan or go to the shops, I ensure and have had success at completing more than 90% of the time.

As we discussed, I realised and saw a very high work ethic and dedication by this scientist.  I was amazed.  I realised I do life (so called personal life – eating, sleeping, meditating, connecting with people) like.  What can I apply to my research life like that?  As we discussed, they plan and stick to the plan no matter what, and of course they love the tasks, actions all encompassing research.  I could very well see that in my personal life and need that transformation for my research.  That same love and passion and not taking things for granted.  No matter how tired they are they keep going with the tasks.  And if they haven’t achieved htat they ask “ Why was I not able to do that”.  The question why is and can be daunting.  I realised my fear “Why did you not do this and that?”  I freeze when I interrogated like that.  It feels like I have to justify for my survival, forget about thriving it become all about surviving – the question WHY.  

I reflected and thought to myself … 

Here were some good thinking from Shade Zahrai - 

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/N31ASFuie7U

https://www.instagram.com/shadezahrai/reel/C3C5BoMPJTy/

Rather than asking why did I not get up early, why did I not come earlier to the lab, why did I not meditate.  I pause and rather than answering the why questions, only if I choose to reflect and think what or how can I make this better is one aspect of change. The other is going deeper in the why.  I had 10 things on my list and I wanted to make the solutions ready, though I had it on the list, I did not do it.  Though a super simple taks, I did nto do it.  Why?  I did not feel like it – yes it is a form of procrastination, and I asked again why to understand me better the answer that came was I can do it while waiting for other stuff like when the column is running or flushing, I can use that time to rinse the bottels and get my buffer ready – I am being efficient – doing all tasks while in the lab.  I did nto see a point in doing something for the sake of doing it, not for the sake of ticking off the check list or to do list.  I want to do it with a purpose.

This year I choose to finish what ever I am doing and be home by 7 or maximum 7:30pm.

I realise the pattern is I need a 12 hour break.  The later I come to my apartment, the later I start the next day and finish later too.  And over time when this accumulates, I give up the overly tolerated time.  

It almost seems like a puzzle – the procrastination and arrival fallacy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVS0iJK9WxY

Super Sunday

 I woke up early and got through the meditation.

I got ready but did not feel like going to the lab.  I was so badly burnt out from going and working nonstop including the weekends, so much so I was afraid of being burnt out again.

I got a surge of energy thinking of all the things I would do if I did not go to the lab.  I could do the laundry, vacuum my room, cook, and write a LOT more!  IT gave me such a jolt of energy, I felt as if I had a coffee shot.  That told me a lot.  So I cancelled the lab booking (without guilt) and thought perhaps I will go to the museum I wanted to.  Get batteries too for my shaver.  Plan my year ahead.  REad, read and do lots of reading too joyfully and happily.

though a small part of me felt guilty, I knew it would not serve me in the long run...the guilt usually drains the energy and goes into a downward spiral.  

I have my tax returns to complete as well ... yay in the most sarcastic tone!

Ok time for laundry and dry them in the room (going green and environmentally friendly), perhaps to the gym, and more writing.

TSchuus and ciao for now.

Happy New moments and many more joyous time

So I told myself .... happy new moments and many more prosperous years.

I realised that instead of planning full on, I can plan for the day and then as long as I am conscious and aware of my actions then I am ok, more than ok.

I felt a swish of freshness after returning from my holdiays, I realised I was so burnt out.  Like a wounded soldier, I kept fighting when in fact I need to relax, rejuvenate and recover.

When I look back, I realise the first few days I was a vegetable, not doing much, I could not believe where I was, I was just doing the bare minimum.  Eat, sleep, cook, rinse and repeat.

Then later I realised how grateful I was for my life, the opportunities I was presented with and the surge of wanting to finish my PhD.  Then I noticed my thoughts were they helpful or joyous. If I am berating myself or feeling sorry for my situation nd playing a victim, it was doign no help, it was the "poor me" muscle at play.  Why don’t' I and why can't strengthen I can do it muscle?  There is a chunk of me (I refrained from saying big) wanting not to believe or foresee in the future.  Another part of me is very much alive and right here right now, the one that I can rely on.

I started burpees today with the idea and intention to strengthen my muscles.  though I did nto do surya namaskar, I will add on to it slowly.  another experiment for today is startign the day and doign the one houyr meditation either in the afternoon or at night.

I had bhindi (okra) and yoghurt with chia seed and peanut for breakfast, a great way to start for a savoury breakfast.  I munched on white baps and butter, felt divine and now the sugar slump so having chai to wake me up.

My fear is, what if I lose my "feeling grateful" what if I "restat takign things for granted"  how do I sustain the feelign of gratefulness?

I did tell a frined of mine Dr Blythe to ask me "Did you write your 50 words today?"

I am starting to feel a little sleepy - is that the jet lag or the recovery from tiredness or the sore throat or is it just too warm today?

I also realise when people rush and in a hurry say things that appear harsh, a not to take it personally, b) say it nicely.  I have been in their shoes too, ususally it is coz I am in a bad mood or in a rush to dash off. 

THe knee pain has reduced but it hurt a lot when it did.  

As I sipped my hot chai, I felt the surge of energy and now I am still  feelign sleepy.